Hello

Here I am again. I'm totally fucked and I have a cigarette in my hand. I fee like writing a story. Detectives in my opinion are still a recurring theme. Heh. Everything seems like a mystery that I have to solve. Fuck. It's so cold that I can barely type this. It also doesn't help the fact like I am fucked. Damn, I wat Max Payne to die of liver failure from the sheer amount of painkillers he takes. Fuck man, he must be comstantly fucked. Not to mention he has to live life in a small stop motion world where everything he says is clear to the obsever.

Ouch. How can I get motion sickness from just typing at a keyboard. By the way my stomach is constricting I'd say that I am very hungry. Doesn't make sense though. I had some pasta a couple of hours ago. Still, feels like ages when you are as fucked as this. Hmmmm.

^ that is the thinking gap. The time bought so I can write crap here without you noticing. Only joking. I think I'd make a great systems analyst. Writing crap that someone higher up will buy and then force the poor suckers to try and fail to reach that ideal. Well. That's enugh from me for now. I feel really tired..... yawn.

Strath.ac.uk

I lol'd. Well I really didn't. I'm sitting here in a lab not doing my work. The lab has now officially started and I'm fighting to type this whilst keeping people form reading it. It may be a bit cowardly but I do often use this to bitch about people. Still it'd be better if I said this rather than just keeping it all pent up. Anyway, no-one I know knows about this blog so it's all safe. I'm not saying it to anyone I know to go behind their back I'm just... telling it to a computer screen. Anyway, life is good. I have moved out from home and it is brilliant.

Yes, I bet you thought that I was serious. I'm only a wee bit serious. I am house-sitting for a friend who is going to Africa for a month or so. It is just great to be able to go somewhere and not have my parents being all stupid about it. If I had my way I'd leave and never ever speak to them again. Not because I hate them or anything but just because I don't feel the need to. I have nothing more to say to them and I am tired of having to justify all of my actions and report to them all the time. Sure I'll call up on birthdays and the like, but don't expect much more comunication from me.

I seem to be going nowhere with this blog but I have a plan. I'll bring it all right back, right now. i did lol, but I had to pretend that I didn't. It would seem that in the real world you can't laugh about many of the things that trouble the civilised world. Diseases, crime and terrorism are all out of the question. If I want to..... okay, I have completely lost my inspiration.

I think I'll type here again, when I am much less tired.

Emo

There is a man on my course. He is seemingly normal but there is something about him. Something that makes me want to smash his face in. Fat piece of shit. I really should calm down. He is a fool. He just sits there and pretends everything is fine and that he is nice and happy. He is a man rotting away from the inside, devoured by his own twisted mind. Well... he will be if he keeps on going like this. Stupid bastard. I try and offer him help but he just flails his arms and goes "No, I want to stew in my own shit. I don't want any help from you. No-one has ever felt pain like this! Boo hoo hoo." I know people in much worse situations than he will ever know!

Thing is, this man won't do anything to help himself. Instead he just pins everything on me. Like I'm going to fucking save him. I tried to help but he wasn't having it. Anyway, I'm busy enough trying to keep my own head above the water. You know, I really really want to go on a big rant about it. I really really want to just go into University tomorrow and verbally destroy him. I really really really want to give him that little push, just to see if he has the balls to kill himself or not. Don't tempt me.

This is the way I see it. Your friend has a girlfriend and she is a complete boot. Always bossing him around, being annoying, disapproving of his friends (i.e. you) and never EVER accepting complements. However because she is an emotional train-wreck you really get to know her quite well, you get to know what really makes her tick. Eventually you are at the end of your tether, she has pissed you off one too many times and then it comes, for the 500th time. "I'm fat"........ Your mind goes into overdrive, she is not fat, she knows this but tries to make herself feel better by fishing for complements, I'm not going to do that.... I'm going to give her what she wants, whether she likes it or not. "Yes, your are fat. Infact, so hideoulsy fat that I am surprised that your mother hasn't FUCKING KILLED YOU AND SOLD ALL YOUR FUCKING WHALE BLUBBER TO THE JAPANESE! AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE FAT? IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FUNDAMENTAL FAILURE! YOU ARE BROKEN AND YOU ARE STUPID. INFACT YOU ARE SO UGLY THAT I AM SURPRISED THEY LET YOU OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE WITH THOSE BIN LINERS YOU CALL CLOTHES!"

That's my philosophy, 'Tell them what they want to hear'. And if they kill themselves? Well, you won't have to put up with their shit anymore.