So that last post I decided to move here because it wasn't really relevant on my 'study' blog. It refers to my last girlfriend obviously. A relationship that ended not too long ago. I was feeling really upset but I had no way to express what I was feeling, and it was making me even more upset that I didn't even feel anything. So I decided to just write until I started crying. I feel a lot better now. Obviously I'm gutted but I don't need to dwell on aything like that for now.
My typing speed has incresed but I do consistently hit ';' instead of the apostrophe. This is really quite annoying. I am currently sitting in a lab at Uni catching up on my blogging and thinking of that delicious chicken sandwich that I could be eating right now. I think I'm gonna go downstairs and get me one.
Tuesday, 12 October 2010
Day One
It was a good time. It was the most excellent of times. It's over now and I feel like I fucked it all up.
I am in incredible pain right now, but my body is unable to express it. I cannot cry I cannot wail I cannot shout even, that being the simplest thing I could possibly do. All I can do now is ache. A low ache, a dull ache. An ache in my chest.
I was so happy with you. You were everything to me. I didn't care about anything else, I didn't need to. Everyday I could just go home and sit down and know that I could talk to you. I go drop my things off and walk out and see you. You could go home and then meet me in the city.
Every time I met you my world lit up and my spirits lifted. All of my worries drained from my head. The time I spent with you helped me to grow slowly, very slowly. It was what I needed. There was always that one lingering dread. I knew you were leaving. I knew that this couldn't last forever. Maybe that's why it hurts me so much now, because I refused to even acknowledge that fact. I blindly continued on. I wanted your feeling so much that I shut everything else out.
Maybe that's why I didn't get to know you as well as I should have. Maybe that's the reason why I didn't change as much as you have. It's not that I can't do these things. It's that I'm afraid of doing these things. It takes me so long to get started. I can't just jump in. I need time to get accustomed to it.
You opened so many doors to me. So many things I had never seen because I was too content to sit in my comfortable position. I cannot sit here much longer however. You did something to me. You changed the deal. You infected my comfort zone. It's becoming more and more difficult to stay here. I have to get out. I have to go somewhere. I have to go to the city and then the next city and then the next city. I have to learn these things.
You started my growth and now that you no longer feed it there is no need for the change to wither and die. Forty six & 2. It is time for me to grow.
Thank you for everything.
I am in incredible pain right now, but my body is unable to express it. I cannot cry I cannot wail I cannot shout even, that being the simplest thing I could possibly do. All I can do now is ache. A low ache, a dull ache. An ache in my chest.
I was so happy with you. You were everything to me. I didn't care about anything else, I didn't need to. Everyday I could just go home and sit down and know that I could talk to you. I go drop my things off and walk out and see you. You could go home and then meet me in the city.
Every time I met you my world lit up and my spirits lifted. All of my worries drained from my head. The time I spent with you helped me to grow slowly, very slowly. It was what I needed. There was always that one lingering dread. I knew you were leaving. I knew that this couldn't last forever. Maybe that's why it hurts me so much now, because I refused to even acknowledge that fact. I blindly continued on. I wanted your feeling so much that I shut everything else out.
Maybe that's why I didn't get to know you as well as I should have. Maybe that's the reason why I didn't change as much as you have. It's not that I can't do these things. It's that I'm afraid of doing these things. It takes me so long to get started. I can't just jump in. I need time to get accustomed to it.
You opened so many doors to me. So many things I had never seen because I was too content to sit in my comfortable position. I cannot sit here much longer however. You did something to me. You changed the deal. You infected my comfort zone. It's becoming more and more difficult to stay here. I have to get out. I have to go somewhere. I have to go to the city and then the next city and then the next city. I have to learn these things.
You started my growth and now that you no longer feed it there is no need for the change to wither and die. Forty six & 2. It is time for me to grow.
Thank you for everything.
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